Why does modern love need Olivia Dean's new album 'The Art Of Loving'
So much of my understanding and writing about love and relationships has been about the science of what makes long-term romantic relationships. However this neglects the feeling part of love - how feel cannot be taught but only experienced. Science cannot teach this. Where science falters, art flourishes. Only recently are we seeing the evidence base for importance of art for health: music, dance, theatre in all its forms have been cornerstones for human civilisation. The words and stories help us make sense of the world and cultivate meaning.
One particular example for me is probably the most complete collection of music about modern relationships is Olivia Dean’s 2025 album entitled ‘The Art Of Loving’ inspired by bell hooks’ 1999 book “All About Love: New Visions”. Some quotes that stood out from the book:
“Consumer culture in particular encourages lies. Advertising is one fhte cultural mediums that has most sanctioned lying. Keeping people in a constant state of lack, in perpetual desire, strengthens the marketplace economy. Lovelessness is a boon to consumerism.”
“The same politics of greed is at play when folks seek love. They often want fulfillment immediately. Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know genuine love we have to invest time and commitment.”
“To be capable of critically evaluating a partner we would need to be able to stand back and look critically at ourselves, at our needs, desires, and longings. It was difficult for me to really take out a piece of paper and evaluate myself to see if I was able to give the love I wanted to receive.”
“When I would talk about my yearning for a loving partner, people told me over and over that I did not need anyone else. They would say I did not need a companion and/or a circle of loved ones to feel complete, that I should be complete inside myself. Whilst it is definitely true that inner contentedness and a sense of fulfillment can be there whether or not we communi in love with others, it is equally meaningful to give voice to that longing for communion. Life without communion in love with others would be less fulfilling no matter the extent of one’s self love.”
As a complete piece of Dean’s work it navigates difficult feelings from the early part of courtship to understanding that love does not always need to exist in a romantic sense. Olivia doesn’t pay me to promote her work but I think her work is probably the most concise important navigation of modern love and relationship in recent times.
Are we afraid of vulnerability?
Modern relationships need independence and interdependence
Recovery after heartbreak requires patience
Love evolves and changes especially with someone who we loved
Romantic love is just one kind of love: love exists everywhere
Double think: a quote that made me think twice
“Love is intentional, attentive, and knowing; not loud, not performative, not overwhelming. It rests quietly in the corner and it is there when you need it, its presence is a comfort.”
Raz (US computer & biological science student) from Men Aren’t Wallets. Women aren’t Prizes.